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This is from an email which floated around the internet a few years ago.  I had forgotten about it until I had a good rummage through my hard drive.  I thought it too good not to share:

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads1 Night Out 3.1, Football 3.4 and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware. I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0.

While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeS-x Plus and Cleanhouse 2011. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeExcel. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflicts with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can’t be turned off.

Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2012, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2012, it tends to delete all of your Mone files before uninstalling itself.

Any help on this matter would be most gratefully received.

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